The Monthly Huddle: Working with Difficult People

Welcome to the April edition of The Monthly Huddle– A short, sweet, and to-the-point advice blog for tackling some of business management’s most difficult questions! This time, we’re talking about dealing with “difficult” people. 

Dealing with Difficult People

They could be aggressive, argumentative, or neglect deadlines. Maybe there’s just something about their personality that just doesn’t jive with yours. 

Whatever the issue may be, difficult people are…difficult. They’re tough to work with, and many managers tend to become less than the best versions of themselves when dealing with folks like this. Even worse, we often find ourselves carrying the feelings they give us into other interactions with clients, employees, and our own families. 

Changing your mindset can help you be a better regulator of your emotions following run-ins with difficult people. Here are 5 in-the-moment ways to create a more positive experience:

Choose Your Battles

Sometimes, difficult people have been told their whole lives how troublesome they are. That only works to harden their shell and set them firmer in their “Well, I’ll show them who’s difficult!” mindset. Avoid critiquing everything they do that frustrates you. Let the little, annoying nuances go. Wait for the big moments when the behavior is so intolerable that letting it go would infringe on the health and happiness of others. 

Set Your Boundaries

Choosing your battles doesn’t mean that you have to let them walk all over you until you feel trampled by their inappropriate and obnoxious behavior. When something is getting on your nerves or affecting your mental well-being, set a clear boundary. Be firm but fair. Avoid accusations or questions. Make statements like, “It distracts and overwhelms me when you raise your voice during normal conversations. Please lower your voice.” 

Be Solution-Oriented

For whatever reason, this problematic person is still around, and you still have to work with them. While it’s tempting to be petulant, petty, or dig our heels in, it’s not really going to solve anything, despite feeling good at the moment. When they start to irritate or frustrate you, put your energy into choosing your reactions instead of honing in on their behavior. It can help you feel more grounded and in control, resulting in a more positive overall interaction. 

Be Purposeful in Your Interactions

It can be tempting to say, “It’s not my responsibility to change my routines to stay away from them… I’m not the difficult one.” Pride can be a positive trait until it gets you into situations that could have been avoided. Ensure that you are as prepared and positive as possible when dealing with a toxic coworker by controlling how often and when you have to do so. Doing so allows you to compartmentalize these stressful situations into more manageable pockets of time. 

Try to Understand Their Intentions

When a problematic person is their usual, overwhelming self, it can be constructive to reflect on where they might be coming from with their behavior. While it’s never a good excuse to be purposefully stubborn or problematic, getting to the heart of the issue can help you have a little more grace for yourself and the other person.